A major step in learning how to intone the soft music of charismatic communication is to recognise that some words have greater value than others. You may realise that words backed by honest intentions are more valuable than those that are not. Further, some words have the potential to dramatically increase the value of your linguistic cash at hand. They can purchase more attention, more meaning, more understanding and more agreement.
If you invest your words wisely and seek to expand people’s choices with the persuasive words you use, people will begin to view you as a true leader. After all, if people associate you with benefit and choice, they will be drawn to you for further guidance.
One of the most powerful words in the universe is the name by which you identify yourself. It will most likely be your first name, unless it’s a nickname that you embraced fully as a child and carried into adulthood. The mention of your favoured name can stop you in your tracks. Notice how you’re so highly attuned to hear that name that it can rise out of the din of a crowded room and fight its way to your ears.
Equally so, you associate your favoured name with gaining the full attention of others. From birth, you heard the sound of your name repeatedly and connected it to your being the centre of its’ speaker’s attention. Generally, you associated the speaking of your name with a positive emotion, like pleasure in being the focus of others.
If you use a person’s favoured name, either at the beginning or end of a sentence containing a suggestion, you will significantly increase the likelihood of the message being received favourably. Using an individual’s name anchors a positive emotional stimulus (as in the comfortable feeling you generally experience when people mention you by name) with the suggestion or statement contained in the sentence.
When communicating with groups and larger audiences it becomes impossible to refer to individuals by name, however you may like to consider selecting key, or influential, members of your audience and applying the above technique. If you have framed your sentence appropriately, their nods of agreement will have a powerful impact on the rest of your listeners.
Given that you cannot mention each and every member of a larger audience by name, what can you do to create similar outcomes to the examples given above? Think about it. What pronouns do you use when you think about yourself or engage in silent self-talk? You generally use the first person singular “I” or “Me”, don’t you? So, apart from having a particular affection for your favoured name, “I” and “Me” are substitutes for the name that embodies your broader sense of self.
If someone is to trigger the “I-Me” in you, which pronoun would be best suited for the job? The second person singular pronoun “You” would have to be first choice, wouldn’t it? If someone addresses you in the second person singular pronoun “You”, they’re directly triggering your “I-Me” sense of your self, are they not?
You may be thinking that “You” is also a second person plural pronoun. And, when it’s used to refer to a group, as opposed to each separate individual within a group, it can isolate the speaker from the group, rather than enjoin the speaker and group in shared space, and right you are. So, the secret is to refer to the singular “You”, and not the plural “You”, when you’re addressing groups, because you can speak with each individual as an individual if you use the “You” pronoun properly.
The singular “You” is one of the most important words in the English language because it triggers the “I-me” in your listeners and sends a strong signal that your content is all about them, and not yourself. In using the singular “You”, can you sense how you’re symbolically directing your attention towards each individual in the group? Have you ever, for example, attended a speech and felt that the speaker was communicating directly with you, or heard someone say, “I felt I was the only person in the room and that she was talking directly to me.”? Chances are the speaker framed most of her core message in the singular “You”.
This simple technique replaces the traditional relationship with audiences where listeners’ attention is directed towards the speaker. The reasons for doing this are becoming increasingly important. The singular “You” is becoming more necessary as people’s pre-occupation with themselves and their problems increase. It seems people have less time and attention to give to others in today’s high-pressure environment. Conversational Narcissism, where people constantly refer conversations back to themselves in a relentless pursuit of attention, appears to be a by-product of contemporary life.
An argument you might find quite compelling and rewarding is that if you design a form of communication that mirrors your listeners’ inclinations towards self-attention, your message will have a substantially better chance of being heard and acted upon. The second person singular pronoun “You” is pure linguistic gold because it taps into this trend and purchases the attention of your listener/s. Moreover, It earns the higher interest of your audience because it triggers emotions similar to those evoked when people hear their own name. It places you, the listener, at the centre of the communication.
Desmond Guilfoyle in an award winning commentator on influence, persuasion and charisma. He has written three books on those subjects and his book ‘The Charisma Effect’ has been published in seven languages around the globe. He can be contacted at mondodec@tpg.com.au For further articles, tips and information visit his blog at http://charismacom.blogspot.com/
Tags: audience appeal, communication, influence, persuasion, public speaking, seductive words, speech
I just came back from a business meeting at which time at been set aside to tell jokes, and the twenty-some attendees were in a jolly mood!
However, there were a number of people who had difficulty with hearing, and when one man stood up and started his joke very, very softly, a member spoke up and asked him to please talk louder.
Well, the outcome was less than satisfactory! In response, the man, who had a very resonant (and beautiful) natural voice literally shouted his next sentence. You could see people cringe, and one woman sitting close to him spontaneously clapped her hands over her ears. (Not something one normally sees during a business meeting!)
Joke-teller would start a sentence with a shout, then dwindle to a whisper–then when he remembered to talk louder, he’d blast us again. We’d cower again. It was like listening to a high-volume television which got muted every few seconds. Blast, whisper, blast, whisper. And the audience cringed, strained to hear, cringed, strained to hear…
The joke was a long story-joke, building up suspense to a great punch line. Can you guess what happened? The penultimate sentence was yelled, but the punch line dwindled away to a whimper. The laughter was subdued, to say the least, and the jolly mood of the group was broken.
When you’re speaking, people, take care of your audience. Learn to modulate your voice so that people can enjoy listening to you and can hear–really hear–the point of your message.Then all the good work you’ve put into your speech preparation can be appreciated. And you can feel pleased with yourself!
Carole McMichaels, Speaker, Coach, Author: Fearless Public Speaking: How to Get Rid of Your Stage Fright and Prepare and Deliver a Winning Presentation, invites you to join her free newsletter on speaking in public. You may also get your free report, “7 Valuable Tips on Writing a Mind-Gripping Speech”. at
http://getridofpublicspeakingfears.com/
I am going to show you three specific ways to overcome your public speaking fears, but first you need to believe that the fear and nervousness you are experiencing CAN be overcome.
1. It is normal to be nervous and even fearful before getting up to speak in public. Most great actors feel nervous before going on stage; world class athletes are nervous before a big event so don’t feel that you have to be fearless!
If you can accept that your nerves are a normal response and not unusual in any way, then you start to release the tension and allow yourself to function effectively. Because fear is a normal physiological response that releases adrenaline into your bloodstream - preparing you for the fight or flight response - you can harness the help you are being given.
Adrenaline heightens your responses and gives you the extra ‘lift’ to give of your best.
2. Work out where your fear of public speaking comes from. With most people it is a fear of appearing foolish - nobody wants to look daft - so preparation is the key. Your self-esteem is a powerful mantle and you don’t want to lower it by exposing yourself to laughter or ridicule.
You may feel that the audience won’t like you - in fact they are probably more supportive than you may think. You may be worried that the audience will not like your speech or value the content of what you have to say.
Aim for approval from your audience and you will find yourself well pleased too; but never at the expense of compromising the truth of the message you deliver.
3. The audience knows nothing of your fears; audiences like this have seen many speakers before and are looking forward to hearing your speech. Because they are ‘neutral’ all you need to do is hide your nervousness and act the part of an accomplished speaker.
Think about speakers YOU have seen before; how did they look and act. COPY THEM! Now bear in mind why you have been asked to speak; keep your material simple but to the point and focus on what you believe the audience needs to understand.
Put their needs before yours and you will be assured of giving a great speech.
These three ways to overcome your public speaking fears will soon have you saying “I enjoy giving a speech, and I’m actually good at it.”
Peter Fisher is an expert Author and Publisher of Public Speaking Courses When you follow these Three Ways to Overcome Your Public Speaking Fears you can move on to Top 7 Steps to Better Public Speaking and build your skills anytime you like.
Tags: audience needs, confidence, daft, self esteem, speech, Three Ways to Overcome Your Public Speaking Fears